Wednesday, March 27, 2013

All the News

Words simply are not enough. 
 I cannot, in any way, communicate how deeply touched and thankful we have been by all the emails,
 cards, messages, and prayers of people far and near, known and even unknown,
 which we have received this last month since our news of cancer. 


 We have been enfolded in a cloud of grace, 
living our beautiful little life here in the woods,
 and learning, researching, moving forward toward natural treatment.
  In this, making many many changes for our household,
(healthier foods and household products)
all for the good, 
but all in all, I have found these additions plus our "normal" life
 to be very, very full and often times, down right overwhelming.
Kind of like drinking from a fire hydrant.

It is a good thing to stop and count the blessings.


The children are by are unaffected by the "C" word and the direction we are headed, 
they have taken it right in stride, not questioning the new weird toothpaste in the bathroom,
 the alternative shampoo in the shower
 and the lack of sugary confections from the kitchen.

Gabe did, however, beg me with those big eyes of his one day,
 batting long lashes at me, 
his little face upturned looking me right int he eye.
  "Pleeeeease make me cookies, mama?" 
 Looking for a sweet 4 yr old kiss, I replied, "What will you give me if I make you cookies?" 
 To which he smiled ever so sweetly and answered, 
"One of Ben's pennies."  



Well, he got his cookies, to say the least. 
 I'm dreading him growing up, this, the sweetest, almost last little one of ours. 

The other children have been largely off adventuring in the woods each day
 now that most of the snow is gone and the sun has been warming up the last of the winter chill.
They can be found by following a ribbon of smoke which makes its way up through the tall pine trees,
 for they are big into building up a camp fire to warm themselves 
while about their play and make believe black op adventures.
(smile)






Our three milk goats are looking very fat and will soon be kidding.  
We have the shed all ready for them and are looking forward to the kids being on the ground 
and the fresh milk soon to come.
I am guessing we will have twins out of the two older does, for they are huge,
 and the younger doe about half as round.  
Could be any day now!




Rose just celebrated a birthday, and will be graduating soon.  
We are praying and planning for what is in store for her next year.
I hope ya all have been over to visit her blog ( "Set Apart"on the side bar)
and see what God is doing in her heart,
 as well as more of her beautiful photography. 
 She and Gabe will be trekking south to visit Anna and Scott in a few weeks.





John and Michelle are making wedding plans for August. 
 They are just so cute together!
They are looking for a home here locally. 
 With just over 4 months till the wedding,
 we are praying hard and looking forward to seeing what God will provide.



Brian is feeling good, eating no sugar or carbs, not even fruit.
  He is sleeping better and losing weight, and so having more energy and clearer thinking. 
 It has been a good move for us. 
 We are so very thankful for the people that God has put in our lives to help us with natural treatment,
 friends who have been there for us all along, whom we trust.

God is so good.

Brian has just kept agoin',
with that big smile on his face..
the one that makes those handsome crinkles near his eyes...
 trusting the Lord with his cancer, and being about His work.
 He hasn't complained, or whined, or even had a moment of weakness or self pity.
 He is a big guy with a big heart, everyone who knows him will say,
now it is very evident,
 he has a big faith too.




Friday, March 8, 2013

When You Are Diagnosed With Cancer.

My stomach lurched.
 The roller coaster effect was having its way with me. 
 There we sat in the doctors office, and the doctor had just said The Word.
  I had known it was coming, 
knew in my heart, 
but somehow, hearing it confirmed still nauseated me.

Cancer.

What do you do when your world, your plans, your hopes are torn to bits and pieces and life takes on the certainty of uncertainty?
How can a hospital room feel so much like a ship tossed at sea?  
Is it wrong to have emotions like this?  Does that mean I do not trust, do not have faith?

My dear, Love of My Life these 24 years, has just found he has cancer. 
 My knight in shining armor.
The one on whom we all depend so much.
 gulp.


But I believed God would work it for His good, that no matter what, 
He would be there with me and my family,
 that He would strengthen us for whatever lay ahead.
  I knew that. 
 I do trust. 
 But I also felt anguish.
My faith would be strong, yes, and I did have the peace that all is as it should be, yet,
 I still have emotion,
and I have found that it is alright.

My husband, now, he is excited, 
he is looking forward to what God has in store...how this may effect the church and community. 
 He thinks nothing of the suffering he will endure. 
 To him, it is no big deal.  
But if God would use this difficulty, this trial, to make Himself known, 
well then, we will celebrate it...
embrace it.

As I looked him in the eye just before they took him back to surgery, I had to concede that if that was the last time I saw his face, I would be ok.
 Who knows what the future holds?
 None of us.

On we go now, through all the options of dealing with the remaining cancer in his body.
 We have been very busy with doctors appointments- most of them 100 miles away,
more yet to come further..
 so every appointment is another day gone.
We have been occupied with researching myriads of natural healing alternatives,
 then praying for wisdom and guidance.

So far, speaking for myself and Brian,
 we have learned that whatever is in store in the future,
we shall not worry or get riled up,
 for we are in God's very capable hands,
and we trust Him.
Not that He will make everything all happy and good,
 but that  no matter what the end is,
 no matter what the valley looks like,
He Is There, loving, caring and providing, just like always,
and in that,
we know the peace that passes all understanding.

Here is faith:  when conflict ascends upon us,
 we are not mowed over by it, such as a ship hit starboard by a large wave,
but instead are able to trust in the Lord more like a ship taking the wave bow first.
At least, that is the way I think of it.

Since I am nearly always in the Psalms, of course I find myself there now,
 fingering my way among favorite passages...
"The Lord is my salvation; from whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" 27:1

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Thou art with me..thou prepares a table before me...my cup runs over...surely goodness and mercy shall follow me." 23:4,5,6

"God is a our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the sea.." 46:1,2

"Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me; for my soul trusts in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast." 57:1

...and through many more,
 until I find my heart
quieted from the restlessness
 that gurgles up now and then.
These, (the scriptures) are the prayers and promises, the wisdom and encouragement,
that keep our bow into the wind,
 so that when the storms comes up,
we are in perfect position to face it, embrace it, and ride it out.