Friday, March 8, 2013

When You Are Diagnosed With Cancer.

My stomach lurched.
 The roller coaster effect was having its way with me. 
 There we sat in the doctors office, and the doctor had just said The Word.
  I had known it was coming, 
knew in my heart, 
but somehow, hearing it confirmed still nauseated me.

Cancer.

What do you do when your world, your plans, your hopes are torn to bits and pieces and life takes on the certainty of uncertainty?
How can a hospital room feel so much like a ship tossed at sea?  
Is it wrong to have emotions like this?  Does that mean I do not trust, do not have faith?

My dear, Love of My Life these 24 years, has just found he has cancer. 
 My knight in shining armor.
The one on whom we all depend so much.
 gulp.


But I believed God would work it for His good, that no matter what, 
He would be there with me and my family,
 that He would strengthen us for whatever lay ahead.
  I knew that. 
 I do trust. 
 But I also felt anguish.
My faith would be strong, yes, and I did have the peace that all is as it should be, yet,
 I still have emotion,
and I have found that it is alright.

My husband, now, he is excited, 
he is looking forward to what God has in store...how this may effect the church and community. 
 He thinks nothing of the suffering he will endure. 
 To him, it is no big deal.  
But if God would use this difficulty, this trial, to make Himself known, 
well then, we will celebrate it...
embrace it.

As I looked him in the eye just before they took him back to surgery, I had to concede that if that was the last time I saw his face, I would be ok.
 Who knows what the future holds?
 None of us.

On we go now, through all the options of dealing with the remaining cancer in his body.
 We have been very busy with doctors appointments- most of them 100 miles away,
more yet to come further..
 so every appointment is another day gone.
We have been occupied with researching myriads of natural healing alternatives,
 then praying for wisdom and guidance.

So far, speaking for myself and Brian,
 we have learned that whatever is in store in the future,
we shall not worry or get riled up,
 for we are in God's very capable hands,
and we trust Him.
Not that He will make everything all happy and good,
 but that  no matter what the end is,
 no matter what the valley looks like,
He Is There, loving, caring and providing, just like always,
and in that,
we know the peace that passes all understanding.

Here is faith:  when conflict ascends upon us,
 we are not mowed over by it, such as a ship hit starboard by a large wave,
but instead are able to trust in the Lord more like a ship taking the wave bow first.
At least, that is the way I think of it.

Since I am nearly always in the Psalms, of course I find myself there now,
 fingering my way among favorite passages...
"The Lord is my salvation; from whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" 27:1

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Thou art with me..thou prepares a table before me...my cup runs over...surely goodness and mercy shall follow me." 23:4,5,6

"God is a our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the sea.." 46:1,2

"Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me; for my soul trusts in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast." 57:1

...and through many more,
 until I find my heart
quieted from the restlessness
 that gurgles up now and then.
These, (the scriptures) are the prayers and promises, the wisdom and encouragement,
that keep our bow into the wind,
 so that when the storms comes up,
we are in perfect position to face it, embrace it, and ride it out.


18 comments:

kozimom said...

Been praying for you!
Thanks for this very wonderful encouragement!

Jaclyn Hicks said...

Prayers for physical healing and for restful respite among the to and fro of life.

Your story is always such an inspiration, I'm sure this time will also be a time of inspiration.

Simply Shelley said...

I sent up a prayer for your husband,for you,for your family and all concerned. I have a brother battling cancer and a very dear friend as well at this time. God is able to touch all ...in Jesus name. Blessings,and peace friend

Kelly said...

Julianne,
Your blog has been an encouragement to me for some time. Though I have never met you face to face, I feel I know you from your posts. Our family will be praying for your husband and your family.

Kelly

Brenda said...

My thoughts are with you and your family. I walked that same path with my husband. My family will be praying for you.

Mrs.Rabe said...

praying,praying....

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear this. Yes, our Father is able to help us through everything. Praise Him for His comforting Word and Spirit.
I will join in prayer that you will be led to the right natural supportive agents and I hope chemocan be avoided.
There is so much I would like to say about options but we have never met and I do not want to add to your load with presumptions.
I have so appreciated your love of our Savior and the way you share your walk with your blog readers; what am encouragement you are to me and others also I am sure.
I will also pray for strength for all of you as you go through this valley. May the loving support of fellow believers ease some of the burden as we carry you in prayer before His throne. And we will give all Glory to the Lord for His continued and present mercies.

Crown of Beauty said...

Dear friend,
I know that friendship is a two way street... and that I must earn the relationship... But you have written your stories and I have read them. I feel like I know you. This news gripped my heart, caused my eyes to tear up. There's so much I want to say, but for now, let my words be few. I will kneel often before God's throne to intercede, and lift you and Brian and your family up before Him.

Much love
Lidia

Pastor Ron said...

Praying for you dear servants of God.

Pastor Ron said...

Praying for you dear servants of God.

Kim said...

Julianne,
My heart hurts for you and your family. I only know you through your blog, but where two are gathered in His name...He is there. God is so Faithful. He will be with you all, as many are in prayer for you, Brian and the children.
Lean on, trust in, and rely on our Savior for your strength each day.

By Grace Alone,
Kim

Anonymous said...

We are here if you needs us.

Red Woman said...

I come here to this place because it calms my spirit and fills me with such peace. Today your news has pierced my heart. I am, and will be praying for your husband, you, and your wonderful family. God is limitless, as you know, and he is with you every moment.
May you find some comfort knowing that we readers are praying and believing right along with you. And if you find yourself too weary to think, you can rest in the knowledge that we are holding you up in prayer.

Blessings,
Red

Anonymous said...

Julianne, Your strength found in Him, will indeed carry you through! However, know that through your sharing on this blog...you have an army of prayer warriors that are also lifting you, your husband and your family in prayer. Trusting in Him...Staci, Mighty Oaks Farm, Shapleigh, Maine

Lisa M said...

Julianne-
My prayers are with you and your family. So much on my heart to say. We know cancer all to well in my family as many do. However when my mom was diagnosis with melanoma she was the only one to combined the natural with the medical and had great results (cancer free). I have a friend whose daughter had a brain tumor, they gave her 6 months. The naturopath also said there were 2 tumors which later indeed the drs confirmed after a long time saying only one. They are shocked that she is alive and kept telling her "we are not sure how this is possible but keep doing what you are doing b/c it is working". Just wanting to share with you 2 success stories of combining the natural care with what the doctors recommend.
Trusting God's wisdom and guidance to lead you.

Kim said...

Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Thinking of you today,
By Grace Alone,
Kim

Anonymous said...

this is a challenging time for you and your family. God sends us so many opportunities to rely on and trust in him. some are much harder than others. will pray daily for peace and healing for you, your husband and your family. God is your rock. cling to Him. thanks for sharing your journey. I'm Pauline, a fellow LHBA builder.

Preciouspeas said...

Julianne,

Your blog has been a wonderful inspiration for me and I have been blessed by your words many days. I will pray for your sweet family that God will use this trial for His will and that His promise to bear our burdens with us will give you abounding peace during this time.
Blessings,
Michelle